Banda Blues!

Today as I walked home, all tired already, I wish I had a friend to walk with me. Or take me home in a bicycle. Or just call me on the phone and talk to me about stuffs to keep my mind busy from thinking about how tired I am already. But I had none. Instead, as I walked home, I thought about all those sad stuffs I could think about. Like how, at the end of the day, no one’s actually there when you need them most. And how, you have everybody and nobody at the same time one-dial away. And how, despite of having people around you, you tend to feel alone. And how you kinda miss the honk and the horn.

Walking is no fun, when there aren’t open-shops to pass by. You can’t take the bus when you feel tired. There aren’t shops to buy chocolates and water and candies. No strangers to smile at. There isn’t even thrill of walking from the middle of the road because of no traffic.

And then there are so many temptations. To fall back to be a sad person you always thought you were. A black hole. To take that rickshaw that asks for pay double of what you have in the wallet. To call a friend and ask him to drop you by or just go out on a coffee/tea anything. And a wish to never have to wake up again.

Of Moods and Swings

There are times, when you just feel like cranking up. But then you don’t know why.  You just feel like screaming and shouting at everyone who passes you by. And throwing tantrums. Even wishing to shower them with punches and kicks.

Instead, you stay online and talk to people. Find few close friends and start complaining about stuffs. Find one to shout at. He listens to you silently, trying to make you calm. But today you’re not giving him any chance. And then you find the next and he just laughs off. And then you start on another. Explaining situation, you’re on the verge of shouting at her. She black-mails.

“रिसाउछौ मसित?” she says. I laugh.

Then he tells you to go and shout in the Bardali in a low voice. You feel refreshed. You try listening to songs but you stop. It’s not helping.

Hence, you just let it be. Let yourself turn into snappy, cranky, always shouting, forever angry for this time. You continue browsing Facebook and working. You continue chatting, but this time reading what they have to say. And blurt, vent, rant, ramble, mumble and grumble to yourself. And you cry.