Sometimes I get these nightmares
of losing you in the middle of the night
hence I wake up to find you sleeping
right beside me, taking the air in
and out.
So I try to hold you tightly
but I don’t
because I am afraid to wake you up
so I hold your fingers swiftly
and go back to my sleep.
At other times,
I cry myself to sleep
because thoughts of losing you
haunt me down.
I try to imagine my life without you,
set out the master plan –
“Deactivate Facebook, privatize the blog,
stop socializing, be like a log,
write everything down,
every time it pains,
every time I miss you
every time it hurts
every time I want you.
Write. Write. Write.
Till I learn how to live again
Till I learn how to smile
Till I learn how to remember you
with tears running down from my eyes.
Write.”
But I know,
no matter how much you prepare yourself
to let someone go,
you fail.
I know that no matter how much preparation I made
I will never be ready
when you will finally leave me.
suskeraharu 