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Twilight

All you need to do is stare at the horizon to know that the world we live in is beautiful. Just like us.

Kasara, Chitwan.
December, 2013

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The Purple Sky

The black brows frowned and I immediately realized something was wrong. We were supposed to be staring at the sky as we always do at this time of the day. But while I was staring at him, wondering what he might be thinking; he was lost in his own thoughts. This was one of times when he was with me, yet he was far away. This was one of the times when he wasn’t with me even when he was by my side.

I knew that look though; his face wrinkling up and his already dark skin getting darker. I had witnessed this look many times before; when he was either thinking of past or thinking about the future.  Someone once told me “If you keep on living in past or future instead of present, you’ll never be happy.”  Maybe that’s why, he was always sad or worried or angry, because there are times when he would get lost in the memory lane or worried about the upcoming days.

“Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying the sky?” he said still gazing at the sky, probably sensing my stares, “After all, it’s your favourite colour of the sky.”

“Hmm..” I hummed, “I was thinking how you would still look good when you get old, with all that wrinkles of yours.” wishing he would look at me so that I could read his eyes. But he didn’t, so I turned my gaze to the sky that had turned purple, my favorite sky colour.

“Don’t be worried about me, I know I would always look good, at least for you.” he said, smiling and pulling me closer.

“I wasn’t worried,” I said in a sarcastic tone, “I was just staring at that look of yours.”

“What look?” he said startled.

“The look you have when you are thinking about something.”

“Ah, it’s nothing. I wasn’t thinking much anyway. If it was something, you know I would have told you straight away, right?” he whispered in my ears. I stayed quiet in reply pretending to gaze at the sky wishing I knew the exact wavelength of this colour that I say purple, out of nowhere.

I know that I neither belong in his past nor in his future. We both have been very clear about this from the beginning. So, I intended to enjoy the present, with him by my side than worry about the days I would have to spend without him. But, he is exactly opposite. There are times, times like these which visit him time and again that make him not enjoy the present. He would rather be haunted by the ghost of his pasts or the worries of the future. These times are the times, when he gets those looks. His anger, fear, worry and sadness can be read all at once with the look. These are the times I wish I could say that it’s going to be alright. The times where I wish I could hide him and protect him from the fear and the worries and the sadness and the fury. The times where I wish I could steal him away forever and the times where I wish I could make his pain go away.

I wish I could tell him how much I care about him. I wish I could tell him how much he means to me, how my life has all changed once he entered into it. I have no idea why he decided to come to my life, especially at that time, but he did and that’s what mattered now. I wish I could never let his smile disappear and make him laugh when he is all tears (which he has never showed till date). I wish I could make him feel loved and cared and happy all the time. And most importantly, I wish I could make his sorrows, worries, fears and anger disappear.

And there are just so many things I wish. For him, for me and for us. But for now, all I can do is enjoy the Purple Sky and feel his warmth in my body and my soul.

Written in the Stars

Ever since I was a child, I was intrigued every time I looked up in the sky. The tiny stars that twinkled as if the sky was filled with lights that illuminate the world left me speechless. But this does not mean that I am a star-gazer. Believe me I’m not. I tend to watch stars only when I’m in mood or have nothing else to do or worse, I’m in some kind of trouble with my ever-questioning mind. Stars always seem to help me in answering my questions, at least some of them. Till now, they have helped me to understand life and people living it in their own way.

The first lesson I had learnt by gazing at stars was by comparing them with humans. I was probably in my high school or may be during my early college days. I came to the conclusion that human beings are similar to the stars up above. Each of us like the stars seem similar to each other when looked upon in surface but turn out to be unique and similar when studied in deep level. Stars are like humans or living beings in so many cases. They get born, they shine brightly and one day they die. Some shine brighter than the others, while some other take time to come to their true colour. But every star goes through the same or similar phase and one day they get diminished like us, vanished from the page if the universe but remain in some other forms.

As mentioned before, I tend to turn to stars every time I have something going on in my mind. Recently, I was walking home alone like I always do. It was already twilight and the moon was already shining. As I watched the moon feeling all alone, I saw a loner star near it. Suddenly, a calm swept over me. From that time on, whenever I felt alone, I searched for that loner star and enjoyed its company. Then, I began thinking that how boring it is to be alone all the time. Every star were in groups or were at least nearer as seen from my terrace (kausi). I started doubting the idea that I had about how everyone had someone with them like black and white or dark and light or reflection and shadow or day and night and so on because that tiny star  ( of course, it’s bigger but as seen from the earth) was alone with nothing else besides it. This made me a bit sad for days and more thoughtful about my own situation.

But one day, as I was helping my uncle in the terrace, occasionally glancing the loner star, I saw another star a little far from it. And the smile rose upon my face again. This made me realize suddenly that no matter what no one is ever alone. We have our family, our friends, our neighbors, our acquaintances and our dreams with us. Well, I was assured after being saved once again by the stars and I definitely know what to do next time I’m seeking answers. 🙂