As I passed the almost alive almost dead Bagmati today, the tipsyness slowly leaving me, I kept on thinking about you. What would you say if you found out that I was just wandering around, drinking and going to places instead of home? Because I remember, last time I was with a friend, you told us not to wander around the strange road. The road isn’t strange today and we are on bike. Plus it’s not just girls. Of course it’s dark and we should have been heading home at this time.
I also felt free. The sort of freedom you get when you are out with your friends, not caring about the world or the consequences. When I am with you, I feel protected because you have always been a big brother to me. You have always been someone I look up to, someone who inspires me.
So when I passed the lesser used road on pitch dark time, feeling that freedom of not having to care about the world, I thought of you. I wondered if you would ever accept this kind of trip. “You’re a big girl” you might say, but wouldn’t you get worried in your heart, even a bit?
She smiles to herself,
when the drops from the sky
fall to the ground,
as she imagines smiles in the faces of people
with big fields and bigger families
waiting in the sun and hope.
She hears children running
out of their homes
to feel the drops in the palm of their hand
and (fooo) blow them at their friends.
The kids are now in the streets
with the puddles and lowly streams
as they tear the paper from their homework copies
to make paperboats.
Some now become Sinbaad,
while others are happy being unknown pirates
some pretend to fight with swords for their ships
others race through the alley.
The smell of damp earth
fills her up with warmth
even if the air outside is cold
it nurtures her broken soul
her tittered-tattered dreams
she is driven to fight for her life
as the world around her settles down
with the dust, the heat and lives around her.
As it becomes colorful
with raincoat, umbrellas and wellingtons
on the street,
She breathes with people
who finally sighs relief
she breathes with farmers
who jumps with joy
she breathes with tiny croaks
and the clanging of cranes.
So when the drops from the sky
fall into the ground
fastening its pace
I stop myself in Thapathali bridge
and look at her coming back to life
I feel alive.
Ever since you left me
for a better world.
People come to me to make love
but for money.