The end or the beginning

Remember the time when we looked at the chibahdyo in the middle of Thamel and tried to figure out it’s age? It was almost midnight and I thought how it standing despite the earthquake and me being there with you then meant something. I’d made you pass this chibahdyo during the day, walking the galli that would take you to my favorite coffee shop and somehow this very spot occurred to you when you had to give me the hug, the one that was supposed to last for a month, in that night. And this was where we looked at each other and looked at the monument, with many thoughts in our head running in the speed of a bullet train. This was where I put my walls down, let you in, and welcomed you in my life. This was where you told me you would be back soon, I shouldn’t be extra sad about you leaving, for I was already sad that you were.

But during the last few months, I’d learnt that the chibahdyo looked okay just from outside as it was almost all hollow from the inside. Right then, I should have known that this was also what was between you and I. We were perfect from outside but from the inside we were both fucked up and afraid. Assholes refusing to grow up and work with our issues. You were and still are stuck somewhere in your past and I was and still am afraid somewhere about the future. Today, or rather yesterday, as I passed around the spot, dreading to remember that night when you told me everything will be okay, I realized I can heal myself. Seeing the community members trying to restore the monument that is from Lichhavi period (yes, we were correct about the age), I realized I can also be restored. And I will restore. And I told myself that the chibahdyo that stood as the witness during the start of our story, will also witness me rising up from where I am, healing one messed up part at a time. And I hoped that you too will heal, and move on from what keeps you glued to the ground,  one broken edge at a time. Just like this chibahdyo.

A.N : This is part of the series I am working on called Mapping Kathmandu with Memories inspired by this post


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