As I write this, I am left wondering about so many things. My closest friends are on field, volunteering, helping out those who need. My work is halted but is sure to resume from next week. I am waiting for a call from a former colleague in case they need me. I haven’t told my mother about this yet. She might not let me but I know I will have to move.
I don’t know what I really feel right now. I have known since I was in Grade X, that a massive disaster like this would come eventually. It was meant to be. Nepal, being in center of two gigantic plate, has always been prone to earthquake. The movement of the plate has resulted in the Himalayas. We have been cursed and blessed with it. And I was prepared for it since then. Seven years ago, I prayed for the earthquake right around this time of the month. The SLC exams were going on and I, being the one to hate exams, wished there was an earthquake and we didn’t have to give exams. Knowing that the massive earthquake took place around every 100 years with give and take of twenty years, I just wished it happened a bit earlier. But it didn’t. Since then, I had been wishing for the same, at the same time for it’s the exam season. But it never happened.
But of course this was inevitable. So I started preparing myself mentally. I would imagine being stranded from my family because I usually hangout at the other side of the city (or in this case, valley). I would usually find myself, in this imagination, to be in Tudhikhel at a camp with my family. In my ideal world, you had to register in the camp, and you had your own small community there. I would take the position of a mobilizing and utilize the people to rebuild my city from the rubble. In my imagination, all but the old Kathmandu is gone. Ten months ago, I found myself imagining losing my whole family and relatives at the same time. And that left me devastated. I found myself weeping the whole night that day. And trying to find ways to cope with the loss I never had.
The reality is of course different. My family, relatives and house are still intact. I am living in a room I have called my own since last year though we were living downstairs for few days. My friends and their families are okay. Some have cracks in their houses but at least the house is standing. Kathmandu is in rubble of course but instead of the new one, it’s the old ones that have been effected the most. Many temples in the Durbar Squares of the valley are gone and so are the old houses with wooden windows and tiled roofs. I find myself staring at the wall because of not being able to move out for last four days. And when I finally went out of the house today, I found things are far more disorganized than I would have wanted. Nobody knows who are staying in the camps and how many are there. There is no person for contact who could communicate, motivate and mobilize the people from the camp. Also all the volunteering activities and relief distribution activities are scattered.
Of course, this is only day five and things will get better. That’s what my friends are telling me. People will consolidate and everything will be coordinated. And I know it will be. The former colleague I wrote above is currently collecting all the information and statistics about the disaster and its aftermath so that it will be helpful to those wanting to help. I know around four groups working separately but are aware about each other’s existence through social media. So maybe the consolidation is not that far.
I just wish to be more useful than giving ideas and writing my thoughts. But that’s the only thing I am good at. And the only thing I can do now.