Days.

45 days
since I last saw you
and you last saw my smile,
not the smile – smile
but the genuine one
the one that makes me feel strong.

90 days
since I last heard from you.
You seem to be lost now,
not screaming my name anymore
or telling me what it is that you want,
or  need.

I remember that time vaguely,
when you were trying to tell me something
but I got busy
every time we sat down to talk that talk
there was always a phone call I needed to attend
mom wanted to have a chit,
he was there waiting for me
I think I stopped listening to you from that day,
when I needed to listen to people around me.

120 days
since the last time I took you out for a coffee or road-wala tea
and 140 days since we last hung out in Mangalbazaar,
staring at the red bricks patterned asymmetrically

And now, standing alone in the road,
I seem to miss your voice shouting my name
screaming of all the things that went wrong
and making my stomach churn and my gut turned
Now, I am left wondering where have you gone.

If you hear me,
which I am sure you do
for you are still inside
filled with rage, hiding from me
I want you to know I am sorry.
And that I want you back
because life seems empty without you,
the rain doesn’t feel the same
I am lost without you
Patanko mo:mo doesn’t taste the same.

I am left half dead,
life lost its meaning when you lose your demon-self

 

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