everyday I tell myself
not to fall asleep before you,
but I do.
Hence, I miss the chance to count your breathing
and see you sleeping soundly.
Everyday I wonder
about your dreams as a kid.
Did you also think you could save the world like me
when I was in Grade six?
Did you also want to travel around the world
or fight the evil with the words?
but every time I ask,
you either keep mum or change the topic
to how my hair is messy
and my hands are dirty
and my face is unwashed.
Everyday I feel curious
to know whether you see a beautiful and strong woman
in the mirror
like you see the dirt and dust in my hair and neck
Everyday I want to know
how it felt
to grow up with men who pampered you till the end
who cooked your favourite dishes
and sewed your favourite dresses
and to come to live with men
who talk about women empowerment
make their mothers, sisters and daughters independent
but then want their wives
to cook and clean and wash and wait for them.
For having at least one man you could always count on,
you could always go back to,
who was your hero.
For the men in my life,
are never there when I need them
Is this what you wanted your life to be?
The little girl who threw tantrums when her dad got home late,
to turn into a woman who would always sit and wait
for her husband and
for her son.
Is this what you dreamt of?
To settle down and have a family
and put them before you.
Everyday I wish to know
the broken pieces of your dreams,
and the missing pieces of your soul
so that I could search, find and mend your life as a whole
for you to live them all over again.