Today marked the 2nd year since you left for a better world. And I still find it hard to cope up with that. There are times when I forget to breathe, I stop for a while, I feel empty inside, suddenly realizing that you are really gone. There are times when I wake up in the night, panicking because you are really gone. There are times, when I cry myself to sleep, because you are really gone. Two years and I’m still not over you.
It’s funny how you always thought you were strong and one day when someone leaves, you find that you were wrong. You learn that when someone you hold onto, someone you looked up to is no longer there, a hole is created in your world. A hole that cannot get filled or replaced. And you wonder how you’re going to spend your remaining life without that person. Without hearing his voice or telling him your wishes. And that’s the saddest thing about death. Now, there is only an empty room and a silent house. No more ‘call me when you reach home’ and no more calls of “When are you going to come now?”
You can’t even say that it’s unfair because that’s how life rolls. Everybody goes through it everyday. And somehow life moves on in certain way, even when all you want to do is stop the time and hold on to those memories. And it might take you another lifetime to get over the loss. It might take another lifetime to finally accept and move on. Or you might never move on at all.
Hence, let me take this opportunity to thank you. For the memories. For the Frooties-under-the-staircase, the rasbari and dahi, gudpak, japanko-bhat and belayatko-daal. For teaching me the meaning of love, compassion and forgiveness. For the gentleness. For love, warmth and safety. Thank you for being my true hero.
~1993 B.S – 2068 B.S~