Him

His skin gets darker as the seconds tick by. I try staying calm even when my mind’s rushing in millions places thinking about what ifs and what nots. And time and again I steal a glance at him trying to guess what he could be thinking about but I fail. Like always, I fail. Probably sensing my aloofness, he looks at me and I give him a faint smile. Then he holds my hand, and gives me a big wide smile in return that leaves me in tears.

We both are sitting in a park bench waiting for the rain. I, because rain always soothes me down. He, because he wants me to get over this whatever feeling I have right now. The thing is I don’t know what I’m feeling. I have a big day tomorrow. My biggest dream is going to come true. I make faces at him, indicating I do not like what I’m feeling. He stays calm, listening to my breathes going in and out, thinking.

“Will it rain?” I ask him doubting the possibility.

He looks up at the sky and let out a sigh. I had been adamant about waiting for the rain. I say it is the only thing that makes me calm. And like always he’d given in without a fight.

“Hmm… I don’t know. But what I know is that you’re hungry and you need to eat something.”

“I do not feel like eating anything.” I murmur.

“Well, I do. All those waiting made my stomach empty. So, let’s eat something, get up.” He starts moving and I start following.

Our hands fall apart for a while and that’s when I feel heaviness in my heart. I stand still, finding it difficult to walk on. After few steps, he calls me out, “You’re such a slow poke. Let’s walk fast, I can’t take my hunger anymore.” I stay still, staring at him.

He then walks towards me, takes my hand and gives me a look that says “I’m never leaving you, so don’t you ever worry or get scared about being alone, even when we don’t hold hands.” My heart starts beating again.

We sit in our usual cafe, and order our usual stuff. I still stay quiet, glancing occasionally at the window for a glimpse of rain. I feel his look, that grave look he gives, every time something’s cooking up in his mind. Without looking at him, I feel his brows frowning and face wrinkling up.

“I know it’s going to be alright.” He suddenly exclaims, making me turn to look at him with a surprise.

“How?” I ask.

“Well, I know. I know that you’re going to nail it, but only if you stop getting scared.”

“I’m not scared.” I deny.

“May be you are, may be you aren’t. But don’t worry, it is going to be alright you know. You are going to be alright.”

“But what if I screw up? You know how I am – ruining everything at the last moment.”

“I know you will not.”

“But..”

“Don’t you trust me? You and I, both know that I know you better than yourself. So, you better believe me when I say, you are going to be perfect tomorrow, shining bright.” He commands.

And suddenly, a smile appears out of blue in my face.

************

He does that to me. Every now and then. While I take all my anger, anguish and fear out to him; he keeps his calm and makes me laugh instead. I remember calling him, many times just to pour my anger out at him. I remember shouting at him and screaming every time I switch on to self-induced low mood. And he would just take it all. Of course, at times, he fights back. But then he would fend it off saying I’m just over-reacting (which is true most of the times). And then, there are times, he would hurriedly come out to meet me, because he knows; more than rain, it’s his presence that makes me calm.

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