Disconnected

I live in a small world. I live in a place where everyone I need and want is nearby. Some a dial away, some a click away and some seems away but is very near to heart. No matter what, I have always been surrounded by people who I love and want, whether I needed them or not. But this week, it has been a bit different. This week the people who were just a dial away were more than just a dial away because there was no dial to bridge the gap. And the people, who were click away, were not there when I clicked. This week it seemed everyone was away, far from my reach, even when I needed them.

And I realized something as well. I always thought, I could get away without people for few weeks or months. I could stay alone, far from human civilization and human touch. But I was wrong. I realized I need to be a part of human society very much. As I couldn’t be in touch with most of my close friends this week, I felt as if parts of my body were missing. There was no one to talk to at evenings and mornings, no one to call in case I couldn’t sleep and  no one to ask me whether I ate, drank, slept on time or not.  There was no one I could turn to in case some exciting thing happened in my life and no one to share my complains and problems with. Although, there were still people, people I could talk to, it weren’t enough for me.

I had realized few months back that I need people, all the people I have in my life. Some I need to accompany me, some I need to share stuffs, some I need so that I get some relief and some I need just like that. And when even one of them is missing from my contact, I can feel vacant and numb. But this week many of them were sort of absent from my side. Hence, the numbness doubled up, leaving me dull and bored and totally uninspired. Being dull and uninspired whole week made me realized that I cannot stay away from people I love even for a day.

Also, come to think of it, I love being in a human crowd. I love being among numerous people who make noises and murmurs, who share ideas and views and who build hopes and dreams. They make me feel alive, and make me feel belonged; even when they are strangers. I don’t know what and how and why I feel like this, but every time I hear people talking to each other, sharing their emotions and teasing each other, a smile rise upon my lips and warmth is felt in my heart. Having people around me, even if strangers make me feel that I am a part of this universe and make me feel right.

Thus, this week I realized that I’m not much of a loner kind of person even if I love my solitude at times. I realized that my emotions and moods depend on the outer environment and people surrounding me as they make impact on them. Humans, I now see, make a larger component of me – my dreams, imaginations, creations and inspiration. So, it really doesn’t matter whether I live in small world or large as long as I have people around me, some click away, some dial and some safely hidden in the heart.

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