Today, you reminded of something I thought I no more had in me. You made me realize something that I wish it wasn’t true. You opened my eyes, my mind and my heart with the things you told me, with the things we discussed. I thought I had killed it long time back; but today, thanks to you, I was proven wrong again.
Today, I felt a joy I had long forgotten about. I discovered a part of me that I had never seen. I thought I would never see it again, I would never feel again but I did. I thought I was over it, but today it all came back to me again. Today you brought out the child in me, the child, I somehow cannot be.
I had seen a dream when I was young. A dream which was my gateway to the world. And which I thought I could fight the world for. A dream I gave birth to but was crushed by my own hand. A dream I killed. But today, you told me dreams never get killed, they just get changed. So, I was forced to think, “Is it still there in me? Can I go back and make it alright again?”
As I grew, I changed my dreams mainly because I was scared. Scared of following it and making it come true. I once read that dreams mean work. So, I guess I was scared and lazy too, to work for that dream. May be that’s why I gave it up, long time ago. May be I wasn’t trying hard enough, may be I was not trying at all because that’s what I do. Giving up stuffs when I am almost close to achieve it.
And today, after all this time, you made me realize that I was a coward. Not fighting for a dream I really believed in. Not trying hard enough. Today, you made me see that I was not strong enough at that time. I was confused and perplexed. Today you made me see things I was trying to avoid for a long time.
So, today I wondered for a while, about going back to the time and space when I decided to let go of that dreams. It’s not that I don’t like where I am. Apart from few moments when I’m like “What the hell I am doing here?” I do love my today’s life. But today, I started thinking “What if?” But you tell me that there is still time, that it’s never too late. But then, I have a different dream today. And I have no idea how to relate those dreams.Then you say that there is a way. That one day I’ll figure it all out. I hope you are correct, but deep in my heart, I know you are, because you always are.
#This post was for YOU.