The black brows frowned and I immediately realized something was wrong. We were supposed to be staring at the sky as we always do at this time of the day. But while I was staring at him, wondering what he might be thinking; he was lost in his own thoughts. This was one of times when he was with me, yet he was far away. This was one of the times when he wasn’t with me even when he was by my side.
I knew that look though; his face wrinkling up and his already dark skin getting darker. I had witnessed this look many times before; when he was either thinking of past or thinking about the future. Someone once told me “If you keep on living in past or future instead of present, you’ll never be happy.” Maybe that’s why, he was always sad or worried or angry, because there are times when he would get lost in the memory lane or worried about the upcoming days.
“Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying the sky?” he said still gazing at the sky, probably sensing my stares, “After all, it’s your favourite colour of the sky.”
“Hmm..” I hummed, “I was thinking how you would still look good when you get old, with all that wrinkles of yours.” wishing he would look at me so that I could read his eyes. But he didn’t, so I turned my gaze to the sky that had turned purple, my favorite sky colour.
“Don’t be worried about me, I know I would always look good, at least for you.” he said, smiling and pulling me closer.
“I wasn’t worried,” I said in a sarcastic tone, “I was just staring at that look of yours.”
“What look?” he said startled.
“The look you have when you are thinking about something.”
“Ah, it’s nothing. I wasn’t thinking much anyway. If it was something, you know I would have told you straight away, right?” he whispered in my ears. I stayed quiet in reply pretending to gaze at the sky wishing I knew the exact wavelength of this colour that I say purple, out of nowhere.
I know that I neither belong in his past nor in his future. We both have been very clear about this from the beginning. So, I intended to enjoy the present, with him by my side than worry about the days I would have to spend without him. But, he is exactly opposite. There are times, times like these which visit him time and again that make him not enjoy the present. He would rather be haunted by the ghost of his pasts or the worries of the future. These times are the times, when he gets those looks. His anger, fear, worry and sadness can be read all at once with the look. These are the times I wish I could say that it’s going to be alright. The times where I wish I could hide him and protect him from the fear and the worries and the sadness and the fury. The times where I wish I could steal him away forever and the times where I wish I could make his pain go away.
I wish I could tell him how much I care about him. I wish I could tell him how much he means to me, how my life has all changed once he entered into it. I have no idea why he decided to come to my life, especially at that time, but he did and that’s what mattered now. I wish I could never let his smile disappear and make him laugh when he is all tears (which he has never showed till date). I wish I could make him feel loved and cared and happy all the time. And most importantly, I wish I could make his sorrows, worries, fears and anger disappear.
And there are just so many things I wish. For him, for me and for us. But for now, all I can do is enjoy the Purple Sky and feel his warmth in my body and my soul.